es para hoy

I am definitely more Sunset than Sunrise.  There's something about the darkness that comes along with the Sun setting.  The excitement of the Moon rising and being able to stare into the stars.  There is something so beautiful about the night, that cannot be replaced by the day.  The thought of people reuniting, the   realization that you're just hours away from dream world.  A world that I love to bits, yet struggle to reach to every night. This warped, over exhausted mind. I  find it easier to look at the Sun as it leaves, unintimidated, sad yet calm and somewhat promising - than I do to look at it when it arrives all fierce and over confident. Maybe some of us relate to darkness more. Maybe that's where we build our homes, we don’t have to pretend anymore.  Maybe the warmth of the orange skies are too romantic for me to ever fantasies about the rise.  Though I hate goodbyes, I guess this one's the o...

Nostalgia.  It's one of the best worst things in my life. I fall asleep at night chasing fleeting memories, out of fear that I'll forget. I'll replay moments like movies, forcing myself to rewind and feel the same emotions again. And again. And again.  It's painful, reliving moments passed.  I often find myself wishing for what was. Wanting to go back.  But if there's nothing through the windshield, there'll be nothing in the rear-view .  If it's the past that I'm missing then my present ain't half bad.   

Growth is so difficult. I feel like no one ever says that.  ​I hear people talk ​ about how much they ​ ha​ ve already grown and what they’ve already learned, but when you’re in the process of stretching ​, exploring ​ and reshaping ​,​   ​it is extremely​ ​  uncomfortable.  If  you ​ ar​ e in that space,  ​or see yourself getting there, ​ know that I am too. Know that I’m really unsure of where I’m going ​ ​ or even how  ​and when ​ I got where I am. I  ​believe​  one day it’ll feel right ​. T​ hings will feel like they fit again and our pieces a little more together.  But for now, I’m trying to lean into the process ​ and just be.