es para hoy

I'm certain I'm not the only one doing some reflecting during these days. I couldn't have predicted what 2019 would be for me. It was challenging, painful, and brought loss that echoes in my heart, everyday. And it brought travel, little adventure, passions found in the heart,  or in the middle of a beautiful little city called Bielsko-Biala. It was highs and lows, both necessary for what was most important, growth. So much growth. The second half of 2019 brought a yes where there used to be a no, the courage to step outside of my comfort zone, the drive to stay resilient and just keep moving. As this incredible year comes to a close I am thankful, so so thankful.  Do I have all of the answers that I'd like to have by now? A big NOPE. But at least I'm finally asking the questions to get them. I'll be extremely weepy and nostalgic while I reminisce for a few more days, snuggling up with what's been one of the most challenging year of my life so far, but...

As I tumble through the grief into the last 10 days of the most wonderful time of a year and normally, my favourite, there’s a collision of emotions inside me. I openly acknowledge that this will probably be the toughest Christmas of my life. That on the 25th, I, like many others, will be a raw nerve. I will feel happiness and sadness, joy and anger all in one day but that’s okay. I will take the day as it comes and I will not force a mask of abject happiness onto my face. I will feel what I need to feel in the knowledge that I will be stronger for getting through it. This is here, not for pity but to help ourselves understand our feelings and maybe, along the way, help someone else who is struggling, to understand their own.