es para hoy

Do less a little more, and do it better! I’m always surprised at how much I choose quick motion over slow action without realizing. Last month, I started doing morning pages (2-3 pages every day of stream of consciousness) and it’s helped me calm down and make more meaning out of the motion (or lack of it). Anyone else feel a bit spinny until you put pen to paper? The writing part is cathartic, sure, but that post-journal feeling is what I’m after. My chicken scratch helps me fly the coop of my ego and I’m left being amazed at how negative some of that writing actually is. If you’ve ever done morning pages or something similar and wondered why at times it tends to lean negatively, it’s usually because there is gunk deep in our psyche whispering sour nothings. And I know that if I don’t take a minute to look at it and gain perspective, I carry the gunk around and every once in a while I go, “where did that horrible thought come from” or “why did I say something I didn’t mean”. Time s...

Courage. Vulnerability. Resilence. Empathy. Gratitude. A few of the big themes that pressed and flowed in 2020. What we all first accepted with fear, later anchored and inspired us through a big year of ups and downs - faith and doubt, courage and fear, excitement and discouragement, distance and closeness, boldness and timidity, fast and slow.  As the months wore on, everyone began to carry the situation with perspective, reverence and patience. Looking back, we all started to see 2020 less as a scary challenge and more of a gift. I realize that most of my initial fear came from looking inward, when what I needed to do was to look outward and upward. And 2020 certainly did not disappoint in its process and its journey. We are all vessels, instruments, sharers and carriers of light. There is no fear or second guessing when the Light you carry is one of gratitude and love. Thank you, 2020. So many memorable moments you have left me with! 🎈✨

This morning some minor frustrations compounded,  sending the day off into a tailspin. The next thing I knew I was sitting in a taxi and wiping tears away from behind my glasses. ‘What is the matter with you?’ I asked myself earnestly, knowing fully well that work wasn’t what had me so upset. And there it was, a flood of an answer that had been pooling at the gates, just waiting for the opportunity to pour out. It’s grief. And disappointment. And accepting that every experience and opportunity that I expected for both, my personal and professional life during my 30th year has been thwarted.  When I’ve felt these feelings before I’ve pushed them down, because I truly have so much to be thankful for.  So many are hurting in ways that I’m not. It feels guilty to admit that some days I’m just not okay. But after I let myself accept that grief and mourning, I was able to see so many of you out there feeling it too. Folks doing their best to make the best of how things ...

The joy of hugs and embraces during this season that our world is in - of separation, quarantines, self-isolation, lock-downs; stirs something inside me. My heart aches for those who feel like they're walking this season alone.  We may be surrounded, even overwhelmed, by much fear, anxiety, longing, grief and discomfort. But these are circumstances that can be endured and overcome, not alone, but together. May we be overwhelmed instead by weaving together through effort, love, action, and hope around the world.  So though a physical hug and touch may not be within reach to those you want to reach out to, stretch your warm words, and wrap a dear friend or even a stranger, in the embrace of your words of kindness and light.  I've been blessed to find mine, seek yours. Let the light of others shine. And if given the opportunity, be the one that holds them up for all to see. 

I'm certain I'm not the only one doing some reflecting during these days. I couldn't have predicted what 2019 would be for me. It was challenging, painful, and brought loss that echoes in my heart, everyday. And it brought travel, little adventure, passions found in the heart,  or in the middle of a beautiful little city called Bielsko-Biala. It was highs and lows, both necessary for what was most important, growth. So much growth. The second half of 2019 brought a yes where there used to be a no, the courage to step outside of my comfort zone, the drive to stay resilient and just keep moving. As this incredible year comes to a close I am thankful, so so thankful.  Do I have all of the answers that I'd like to have by now? A big NOPE. But at least I'm finally asking the questions to get them. I'll be extremely weepy and nostalgic while I reminisce for a few more days, snuggling up with what's been one of the most challenging year of my life so far, but...

As I tumble through the grief into the last 10 days of the most wonderful time of a year and normally, my favourite, there’s a collision of emotions inside me. I openly acknowledge that this will probably be the toughest Christmas of my life. That on the 25th, I, like many others, will be a raw nerve. I will feel happiness and sadness, joy and anger all in one day but that’s okay. I will take the day as it comes and I will not force a mask of abject happiness onto my face. I will feel what I need to feel in the knowledge that I will be stronger for getting through it. This is here, not for pity but to help ourselves understand our feelings and maybe, along the way, help someone else who is struggling, to understand their own.