FOR TODAY | 19.06.2018

-
I woke up feeling dehydrated and uneasy. 
I felt it the second I opened my eyes and the best description, in a word, is INCONVENIENCE! 

I believe it was brought on by two weeks of the most relentless anxiety I’ve had in years.

It has been strangely physical and incredibly unpredictable, striking at times when I can’t connect it to a specific emotional trigger. 
As someone who likes to quickly assess her emotions and understand the how’s and why’s of it all (i.e. CONTROL), it has been frustrating and scary. Not to mention, exhausting. My mind has been racing constantly. Is it work? The season? The Moon? Is it my hormones, age, excess caffeine? 

I have said it before and I’ll say it again, the mental health journey is not linear. It is a road trip full of detours, construction, flat tires and maps that are sometimes perfect and other times lead you to a horrible and unexpected place. You never arrive at a destination and sometimes you drive backwards for days at full speed without even realizing it. And yet if you’re like me, you don’t give up. You fix the tire, find another route, get a tune up and turn your map upside down to see if that makes more sense. 
Today I decided to rest so that tomorrow I can get back on the road.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FOR TODAY | 17.07.18

-
I’m a hedonist, through and through.  My greatest pleasure comes from surrendering to my instincts. Human beings can be cruel, flawed, broken, messy. All seven sins wrapped in skin. I find a delicious freedom in that.  It’s always better to own your faults, so that they don’t own you.  Oscar Wilde said, “I can resist everything but temptation.” That rings so true to my ears.  When we deny what we truly are and try desperately to be non-human, we create the ultimate temptation. We lose ourselves in it. We allow it to control us. We pray for forgiveness, so afraid of our true nature. So much precious energy wasted on pushing away. I’m an enabler. As I said, nothing compares to the feeling of seeing someone finally let go. It’s magnificent. The only real power that exists is knowing who you are.
Read more

FOR TODAY | 22.10.2020

-
This morning some minor frustrations compounded,  sending the day off into a tailspin. The next thing I knew I was sitting in a taxi and wiping tears away from behind my glasses. ‘What is the matter with you?’ I asked myself earnestly, knowing fully well that work wasn’t what had me so upset. And there it was, a flood of an answer that had been pooling at the gates, just waiting for the opportunity to pour out. It’s grief. And disappointment. And accepting that every experience and opportunity that I expected for both, my personal and professional life during my 30th year has been thwarted.  When I’ve felt these feelings before I’ve pushed them down, because I truly have so much to be thankful for.  So many are hurting in ways that I’m not. It feels guilty to admit that some days I’m just not okay. But after I let myself accept that grief and mourning, I was able to see so many of you out there feeling it too. Folks doing their best to make the best of how things ...
Read more

FOR TODAY | 27.07.2018

-
Image
Ladies, rebellious  bright beautiful ladies, don’t forget to read more books. A knowledgeable woman is a powerful woman. Our mothers and sisters, so many before us fought and died for our right to read, so read. Be cultured and smart. The mind of a woman is an incredible tool to build, a weapon to fight, and a shield to defend.  Take good care of it, keep it sharp and polished. There are fewer tragedies on Earth than such precious treasures being left to rust.  On the subject of FEELING BETTER RIGHT NOW, I’ve been particularly obsessed with this beauty for the past week. Helping me understand my current thoughts, my intuition, soul vs personality, the energy of the Universe, my imperfections and that bitch that lives in my head, delays me from all of my important work and constantly reminds me what a talented being I am. P.S: I have this strong woman, Namitha Naiyar; to thank deeply for this keeper.
Read more